Keami
"I despised any religion, spirituality or god, but I was never happy when I needed to deal with teachers and classmates..."
My relationship with Jesus Christ started at about seven years ago. I was born in a generally non-religious family. My grandfather was a local official in the Communist government in China during cultural revolution in 1970s. Through relationships with other officials, my whole family moved to Hong Kong, which was then still a British colony. I was raised up in Hong Kong without knowing anything about God or Jesus. They were so distant and irrelevant in our lives. My parents were namely atheist, but they sometime seek help from Chinese traditional idols and superstitions, especially during hard times.
The transition happened during my high school years. Compared to my classmates, I was a pretty smart student and I did well academically. But I somehow became so proud and arrogant of myself, and I did not manage my friendships and relationships well. My name was notorious in my school, and I had almost no friends. It was during eighth grade, the “dark age” of my life.
Having such disastrous social upsets, I was alone and drew back more to myself. I stayed in the quiet corner of school library more than anyone did. I plunged myself into pursuit of books and knowledge instead of rebuilding my relationships with others. I studied a lot on science, and the theory of evolution captured me. Influenced by that, I became an intellectual, defensive and harsh person. I despised any religion, spirituality or god, but I was never happy when I needed to deal with teachers and classmates, especially my past “enemies”.
At that time, I already had some classmates who were Christians, and they shared their beliefs and invited me to their so-called “youth group”. And I certainly rejected their offer. I really did not understand why they would join these useless, superstitious religious group? Isn't that science is the truth that explains everything? But why their lives and acts were so different after conversion? What caused these changes?
Looking back now, I believe that God was working in my life to bring me to his grace and salvation. As I was working in the school librarian team, I met a very nice Christian girl in the team. When she shared her faith with me, just like before, I argued with her and despised her beliefs. Her reply, however, was interesting. “Have you ever read a Bible before?” she asked, “How can you assert so many things about Christianity without first studying what is it about?” That was right! I had never read a Bible before. If what Christianity was all about was in the Bible, why did I not read it first and find out its flaws to support my arguments?
Therefore, with great interest and curiosity, I began to read the Bible by myself, while I did not realize that the Word of God could transform people's lives, including mine. I had no previous knowledge on anything about Scripture, so I started right on the first book – Genesis. Though I was not a Christian yet, I sometimes spent hours reading Genesis, and then the journey of Moses and Israelites, until very late at night. As I kept reading, I also forgot my original purpose of reading. I just plunged into the wonderful world of Biblical narratives and I could not stop doing it.
The idea of God in the Old Testament was a shock to me. Unlike those Chinese traditional idols who need believers' protection and offering, the God of Israelites was self-sufficient, dynamic, active and powerful. He seemed so holy and his standards and expectations on his people was very high. He acted mightily and did many wonders and miracles for his people. He was an awesome God.
But it was still very difficult for me to believe in him, because the books gave me an image of God as a cruel, authoritative tyrant rather than a merciful, loving Father. As all people said that Christianity was a religion of love and God was love, but I could not understand why the God I saw in the Old Testament was so different, until the coming adventure camp......
When God thought that it was the right time for harvest, he planned for it and put his Spirit in my heart. Four months after I started reading Bible, in May 2000, I was randomly invited by my high school's youth group to a 3-day summer adventure camp. Even until now, I have no clue why they invited me, but not the others. And amazingly, I had no problem going to this camp. I thought it might be just a fun camp with all kinds of activities, and I had not done any camping for 4 years.
The summer adventure took place in late August 2000. The camp program was challenging and the activities exhausted me physically, mentally and emotionally. However, I was so satisfied like I never had before. I saw that my fellow campers (most of them were Christians) had some special personal qualities. They were kind and loving to each other, and their fellowship was so deep. It was really an attractive community.
The last night in the camp was an evangelism gathering. Everybody gathered in a hall and listened to a presentation of gospel. The speaker was a very kind and loving woman, Vera Hung. She was the pastor in the high school youth group and my church. Being my “spiritual Mom”, the most important mentor in my growth of Christian faith, I thank God forever for her dedication, caring and love on me.
In her sermon, she explained that Christianity was not a faith of mere reason, intellect and arguments, and science could not explain everything. Since the very beginning, God has shown compassion and love to his creation, the perverted and sinful humankind. Every moment we live and breathe, it is his will to love and bless us, so that we may enjoy all the wonderful things on this earth. And God loves us so much that, in order to free his people from the bondage of sin, he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to live humbly among us, relate with us, and to suffer the most painful death on the cross on behalf of us. Though his blood, our sins are forgiven.
This message deeply moved me. I could not excuse or defend anymore, but to face a decision of whether I accept Jesus Christ or not. I struggled so much when the time to decide came. But thanks God, as I followed the prayer, one word by one word, I accepted Jesus Christ to be my Savior and my Lord. I opened my arrogant, stubborn heart and welcomed the Holy Spirit who had waited for a long time. I walked on the stage with overflowing peace and tears of joy. It was August 18, 2000, 10:59pm, in Hong Kong.
A whole new life has begun. I joined the student fellowship, and the CMA church which had the youth group ministry in my high school. My first year of Christian life was sweet and memorable even in the midst of persecution, pressure and struggles. I met a group of brothers and sisters and we developed genuine friendships. God healed my past wound gradually as I started to become more open to reach out to people and develop true friendship and fellowship with others.
Being a Christian was not easy. Two months after conversion, I faced my first persecution from my parents, who forced me to abandon this faith as they felt really uncomfortable about my zeal and enthusiasm. With lots of fights and resistance and crying and weeping for God's help at late night, I still stood firm for his name. My parents eventually became more tolerant towards my faith, but they still do not understand it. They wanted me not to take faith too seriously, just take it as a “religion” or “extracurricular activity”. For Christian like me who determines to put Christ at the center of my life, this is impossible. I hope so much that one day they will understand the importance of Jesus Christ, and they will also believe in him.
Conversion was just the beginning, and there was still a long way ahead of me. About a year after my conversion, I went to US for a cultural exchange program. This was the first time I studied abroad by myself for the whole year. Bringing excitement, fears, homesickness, and also my new faith, I stayed in a host family in Buffalo, NY., and studied there as a senior in high school.
The first year in America was very difficult. I was homesick, and I had no supporting relatives or friends. I struggled over communications and cultural shock, and the relationship with my host family. There were lots of tensions, misunderstandings, fights and blame. I felt guilty and depressed that I should be the one who brings peace and reconciliation with my faith to them, but I really could not live with a family with totally different cultural, religious values and personalities.
I realized that being a Christian was much more than just conversion. The “Honeymoon” was over, and I still needed to overcome the relational brokenness, my own sin and weaknesses rooted in my life, and to form desirable personal qualities.
During that exchange year, I decided to apply for colleges, hoping that college life would give me more freedom then living under the supervision of a host family. Only two schools, Bucknell and Holy Cross, accepted me. Since I did not want to live in a school with 95% students Catholic, Bucknell was pretty much my only choice. On the night before I sent out the acceptance of admission, I prayed that God would lead me through the next four years, no matter what circumstance it might be.
So I started my four years of college life in Bucknell, a slow process for God to tear down, to rebuild, to transform and to deepen my faith. My faith did not grow much over the first two years, partly because everything was so stable and comfortable compared to a real life of tension and pressure, I did not trust and rely on God that much. Nevertheless, I was quite involved in a Protestant campus ministry, and participated in the ministry team. The ministry was not bad, but I still lacked the enthusiasm, focus and strength in changing my life. I felt a spiritual stagnation in me.
This situation continued until the second semester of sophomore year. On a cold and depressing day, I went to the Thursday night worship by The InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. Once again I saw the people's desire for God, and their close fellowship and love towards each other. This was how I began my experience in InterVarsity.
In junior and senior years, I was very actively involved in InterVarsity --- Bible Studies, Conferences, Chapter Camps, Leadership Seminars --- and eventually I became one of the student leaders during my senior year. In contrast to my exciting, but pretty simplistic, experiences when I converted to Christianity, joining InterVarsity was a long-suffering, but profound and deep, experience filled with lots of bittersweet memories. There are several areas I found in my faith particularly transformed and brought to a new level.
First, through the manuscript Bible study with inductive method, my faith was solidly grounded on careful studies and applications of the Scripture, the Word of God. I had been knowing too much since I started reading Bible from Genesis, when I was not yet a Christian. Now it was time for me not just to read it as a exciting novel, but a source of the power of God to examine and change my mindset and lifestyle to be more like Christ. The Word of God does not just want my curiosity and interest, but commitment and obedience.
Second, God wanted me not just to believe in him, but to trust and follow him. Jesus, besides his greatest work of salvation through crucifixion, also called me to deny myself, and carry my own cross to follow him. He called me to bond with my brothers and sisters not just to become a fun and sociable band of Christians, but the body of Christ, a family of sinners and saints committed to each other. I could not imagine how deep and wonderful the fellowship I had with my college Christian friends, and all the laughers and tears shared and shed among us.
Third, which is probably the most important, is that God opened my mind vastly to let me see his concerns over his creation and his people, including the society as a whole. During the summer of 2005, I went to North Philadelphia for a 6-week long urban program of community living, service, discussions and Bible studies. These six week in the ghetto, the inner city of Philadelphia, has totally turned my faith upside down, smashed them into pieces, reshaped them into an integrated piece, and catapulted it to an unprecedented spiritual height. It was during those times that I saw God's concern for social justice issues, like poverty, racism, economic injustice, inner city communities, and so on. He called for corporate repentance, reconciliation and correction over these deeply embedded sin into our social systems and institutions.
Since then, my faith could not longer be the same. These experiences as well as many others were like many small pieces of a puzzle, being put together, piece by piece, to the existing centerpiece – the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ – and eventually, a spectacular, gorgeous and complex picture is revealed to my eyes, shining forth his eternal plan of holistic salvation and his infinite glory. For me, God can never be contained to just “a God of a religion”, he is the God of Everything – from my personal struggles in sin to the struggles of farmers in the developing countries over oppression, from personal romantic relations to international diplomatic relations, from the conservative-liberal division in academia to the rich-and-poor gap within this city, gender issues, political freedom and democracy, pacifism, global warming, renewal of Chinese culture and ideologies, the purposes of art and music, and even IT industry practices – He is the God of Everything, literally everything!
And this is the God into the name whom I am getting baptized today. I am fully aware that this sacrament of baptism represents my identification with Jesus' death, burial and resurrection, and I want to add that it represents my identification with Jesus' vocation and his calling to Ministry (which is a calling to every Christian), to sacrificial services and lifelong commitment to the body of Christ, the saints in communion throughout all times and places. I am really thankful for Georgetown Community Church in which I have worshipped, served, and received fellowship and support. This is a small church, but also a very warm family in which I have opportunity to live out my baptismal faith as an adult, and learn to serve with my spiritual gifts.
